This Morning…

Elsie woke up crying. She looks over at the clock but can’t see the time though the blur of tears welled up in her eyes, streams of them running down her face, dripping into her hair, and onto her pajamas. Wiping her eyes, trying to see the time. Tears uncontrollable.

There’s no stopping them. She knows this, so she doesn’t even try. This happens every…single… day. Her thoughts flooding in…

Morning again. Another day. I hate this! Already crying, already feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack.

What is wrong with me? Nobody wakes up crying!! Nobody wakes up feeling like this!

Why can’t I be normal?!?

Trying to breath, head too clogged up from sobbing. Pull it together! SUCK IT UP!  Every one feels this way, just deal with it! I hate this! I don’t want to do this anymore.

Her heart feels like it’s going to explode it’s beating so fast. Please let it explode, PLEASE.

Why did I wake up? Lord, couldn’t you have taken me? Please take me. People die every day, why couldn’t I be one of them? I don’t want to be here.

I don’t want to be here…I don’t want to be here…I don’t want to be here.

Her heart still beating so rapidly that she can feel it throbbing through her whole body, beating like a drum.

It’s 3:30 a.m. It’s only been 10 minutes since she woke up.

Elsie is still crying.

That won’t last for much longer. Everyone will be getting up soon. She will have, at least, another 12 hours to hide all this, to suck it up, pretend to be happy. To make those hasty exits to the bathroom when she can’t hold back the tears any longer…..

 

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Author: Margaret from soulfood101blog

Praying the world will read God's Word for themselves, and not rely on what someone else tells them His Word says or means.

53 thoughts on “This Morning…”

  1. It’s beautiful and full of dripping feelings many of us can relate to. Yesterday I watched Fried Green Tomatoes and cried even though I was having a good day :)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww, I don’t want you to cry, I don’t want to give it away but if it makes any more tears, tears of joy, I’ll give you a spoiler :) Elsie lives a very blessed life :) She is God’s child. He fights for her :):) And He always wins :):) Thank you for your kind encouragement :)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh no, it was fine! That shows how good it is, haha.. I connected with Elsie so much. I know what it’s like.

        Aww, you didn’t have to spoil it but what a beautiful spoiler indeed! Yes, He always wins! :)

        Liked by 1 person

  2. An intriguing story. Touching and moving for me. Sounds like Elsie is experiencing panic attacks. I remember I used to experience this some years back now. It was scary for me. I pulled through with prayers and support from my family. One thing that worked for me was taking dozes of the scriptures like a drug prescription. I was drowning and I grab unto words from the Bible like morning, afternoon and night. My break came while sitting on a church pew alone simply crying out for help. Then the flood gates of my emotions broke out in a torrent of tears. I wept seriously… It was then that I discovered that I was hurting badly. It was a pent up feeling from loses of loved ones in our family. I didn’t have time to grieve because I had to be strong for my mum and sister. The story is long but I thank the Lord for his mercy that saw me through. Today I look back at that time and see how His loving arms surrounded me and held me, keeping me through it all. I didn’t plan on writing this long gist but hey an opportunity to testify and just maybe someone going through something like this can find hope. This too shall pass.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Please do not apologize, my friend. You are always, ALWAYS welcome to post any comment, no matter how long or short. I appreciate your comment, it is right on point and very inspiring. Full of hope, full of witness to God’s Almighty power that will always rescue us. I am so thankful that He helped you, and that you realized it was He Who helped you. Thankful that you are here today to share your wonderful testimony. It will help a lot of people. God bless you, thank you for sharing. It is always a pleasure to see you :):)

      Liked by 3 people

    1. Amen Rick. It’s a little hard to write, the emotions and thoughts pour out faster than I can write them. We’ll see where it goes :) God bless you Rick. You are so right about only He knows and He knows what’s best for us, we can rest in that :)

      Like

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