What Elsie Didn’t Know…

Elsie finishes making her bed, still sobbing, still 50 thoughts simultaneously swirling in her head, heart still pounding. She catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror through her tears that stops her dead in her tracks.

Shew, I look crazy. I am crazy thats why I look crazy. Look at me, tears covering my face, red faced, puffed eyes, foaming at the mouth…they are going to lock me up sooner or later. Probably sooner, than later,  if anyone sees what I look like right now…quit, don’t go there…there’s no time for this….stop it, STOP IT!

She didn’t know how she was going to get through another day.

What Elsie also didn’t know is when she is 32, she is diagnosed with panic and anxiety disorder. The decades of hiding it, suppressing it was too much, and Elsie’s body just began to shut down, literally

Her doctor said it was the worst case of anxiety and panic he had ever seen.

What made Elsie different than other cases he had diagnosed, is Elsie didn’t have the “typical” panic and anxiety attacks, that most people have, the ones that will hit, run their course and subside.

Elsie woke up with the her heart pounding  130 plus beats, all the other symptoms, and it lasted until she went to bed at night. All day, every day. 

The doctor and physiatrists were astonished Elsie could sit there, as if nothing was happening to her, when her vitals told them that she was in distress.

It would all make sense then. The constant heart attack feeling, her nausea, her head aches, her feeling of being crazy, and needing to, or fear of being locked away, the vertigo, the depression, the list went on, and on. To Elsie it read like a daily schedule.

Elise was comforted to know that it wasn’t her. She wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t going to have heart failure at any minute.

Now, they could work on the physical, and figure out why it was happening…but the memories…those are a different story….



Author: Margaret from soulfood101blog

Praying the world will read God's Word for themselves, and not rely on what someone else tells them His Word says or means.

37 thoughts on “What Elsie Didn’t Know…”

      1. :)

        Not exactly; I mean, not to that degree. But I’m familiar with panic attacks, depression, and constant anxiety. I haven’t been to a doctor to be diagnosed with any of them, like Elsie finally was. (Glad that she got help!) I haven’t had many panic attacks, but boy, they are no fun when they happen! 😳 If I feel it coming on, I usually start repeating Psalm 23 or The Lord’s Prayer in my head. :)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Any degree is not fun. It’s a blessing that you have God’s Words to help calm you :):):) That made me happy because that is the answer, His Word :) God Bless you for sharing because that will help others who might be going through what you do but don’t have a verse to help them :):) Thank you :)

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Elizabeth :) I am happy you like it and want to read more. Panic attacks, and anxiety attacks are the worst. They say most people have at least 2 in their life. The first one is an attack, the 2nd is fear of having another one. How horrible it must be, that it’s so bad you live in fear of having another one.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Kathrin for your insight about how you feel after while exercising. I use that same example in a future post about Elsie. Trying to give people a better understanding, or a way to feel what Elsie felt. Spoiler alert, I use a treadmill as the example :):) I am happy that you could relate to her and had a grasp of what she was feeling daily :):) Thank you so much for visiting and sharing with us :):)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think I might be in your spam bin. I keep posting comments and they disappear. I thought it might be a one time thing but I posted a comment to your most recent installment, it disappeared and hasn’t appeared yet. I typed up another, it disappeared too hahaha. It’s ok, I just didn’t want you to think I forgot you :):)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hi Margaret, We know you wouldn’t forget us. We know we sure will never forget you. You are so special to us!!!! We’ve been out and about the past couple days and its like the days fly by. Before we know its bed time. Life sure is a whisper like described in His word.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Yes! Elsie is back! This chapter is so sad, though. The poor thing! I hope she gets all the help that she needs. I look forward to more as usual. :)

    Liked by 1 person

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