Elsie

I really enjoy writing about Elsie.

It brings me great joy to know the struggles she went through. Even though she was unwilling to be grateful to God, do what He asked, which was so little, and accept the Help, only God could give her through Jesus, God never abandoned her.

 

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Image courtesy of soulfood101blog.wordpress.com

But….

A week or so ago, depending on when this gets published :) I experienced one of the worst panic/anxiety attacks I’ve had in years.

I was going about the daily routine but something was off.

It was familiar but foreign.

Later when I realized, ok, this is happening. Let’s see where we stand.

I took my heart rate…140…that can’t be right. Let’s calm our self, and let’s take it again, we should any way…132.

Ok, 132 is better, let’s make the third time a charm…136.

image courtesy of soulfood101blog.wordpress.com

Yep, it’s full on…I’m not running a marathon, hiking a mountain, or even on the treadmill??? I’m just going through the daily motions of life.

                                   ?

I kept talking to the Lord through all this. He never abandoned me. Thank you God.

image courtesy of soulfood101blog.wordpress.com

I know the steps…what comes next…control the breathing, important we don’t need to be hyperventilating ;) headache, nausea, vertigo, vomiting(sorry), days of physical recovery(sore muscles, joints, etc)

It’s rational. All the things you’d expect, your body to do if your heart is been beating 132-140 beats per minute, for HOURS…..:):):)

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It’s another valley in life that has to be walked to get to the next blessing.

Yes, God can heal all of that, in that I have faith, and proof. But that depends on my faith, and it isn’t strong enough. It’s getting there because I’m not having these all day, everyday, anymore.

There’s my proof :)

image courtesy of soulfood101blog.wordpress.com

My faith isn’t strong enough to move a mountain yet either :):) BUT, again, that’s a “me” issue, not God ;)

Which brings me back to the lecture at hand.

I love writing about Elsie, but I didn’t like the memories it dredged up, which caused my physical distress last week.

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God has blessed me to not have this physical distress, that plagued me for decades, anymore.

I can be thankful for that and let that sleeping dog lay right where it is, or I can pick that scab, and keep digging at it, until I have a massive attack…hahaha. I can laugh now but when it was happening, it was anything but funny, and I swore never to write about Elsie again :):)

image courtesy of soulfood101blog.wordpress.com

They say that every person will have 2 panic/anxiety attacks in their life.

The second attack is usually always, always caused by fear of having one again. They will avoid talking about, avoid where it happened, avoid situations that are similar to when it happened.

Me writing about Elsie is equal to that.

image courtesy of soulfood101blog.wordpress.com

When I can, I will write about Elsie. When it won’t cause the physical reaction that comes along with it. If it was therapeutic, and needed to be talked out, then I would. As it stands, it’s already been beat to death, and is a dead issue. Now it is just a memory, like all the others, that I have.

Is it perfect? NO. Nothing is! When I become perfect, never mind … hahaha :) …we know that’s not happening ;):)

God Bless you :)

 

Author: Margaret from soulfood101blog

Praying the world will read God's Word for themselves, and not rely on what someone else tells them His Word says or means.

29 thoughts on “Elsie”

  1. Oh no, I’m sorry that writing for Elsie triggered a panic attack for you. I know what that’s like and I’m sorry you had to go through another one.

    Thank you for being courageous to write about it – it’s so encouraging. Like you said, God will never leave us alone even during the worst of it. :)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think that as human beings we all suffer anxiousness or depression at some time in our lives, but instead of speaking of it and supporting one another, we pretend that it only happens to others and never to us. God is good though, and one day soon this will all be behind us….. and yes you will be perfect…… not in this earth, but in the next, which is soon to come …. I pray. Blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for sharing your struggles us. I am glad you are fine now. Write about Elsie when you can or never. We all deal with issues in different ways and God understands us perfectly. I have issues I am not ready to talk about but most importantly we know we have a father who cares for us deeply and walks our lives journey with us.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for opening about your struggles, Margaret. Your faith would definitely move mountains one day! You love Him and you put Him first. God bless you and I love the photos! The cat is beautiful.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You are too kind dear Muse :):):) I try and will continue to try and put Him first always. That sweet kitty was my constant companion for 13 years. He wasn’t like most cats. He never slept, he never took a bath, and he would talk back to anyone who was talking. As soon as they would take a breath, he’d jump right in the conversation. :):)

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Your love for Him is beautiful. I can feel your love in your posts. Don’t worry, you’ll get there. I too, am working on putting Him fully first in all that I do.

        What a personality Mr. Cat had! What was his name? Come to think of it, I think you might have mentioned him in a much earlier post.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. His name was Bubba because hubby and son thought it was funny, but then they called him that so much it stuck. We called him all kind of things and he answered to all of them LOL Bubba, Bubba Renn, Renn, Bubbie, Stinky(although he didn’t stink, we just called him that because he never took a bath). hahaha

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s one thing with cats, they answer to any name! Haha! RIP Bubba and thank you for leaving your humans with beautiful fond memories. :)

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Margaret thank-you for sharing your struggles and story. I so well know the battle with anxiety and panic attacks and I applaud your honesty and openness. I’m learning to be open about my struggles too. I want God to use me to help others and see that anxiety is more common than one might think..I feel His prompting to write about it on the blog but it takes a lot of courage.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m sorry to hear that you struggle too. No applause needed, I wrote a few stories and talked up an attack haha ;) not a banner success hahaha. If you feel God wants to use you, or wants you to do something, pray He leads the way He wants you to go, gives you the words He wants you to say, the courage He wants you to have, etc…He will :)

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I thought it was a good post :-) I know all glory belongs to God but I consider it a brave thing to talk about one’s deep struggles to a large audience. I published my post on panic attacks today and I’m not sure if I would have if I hadn’t read your post yesterday.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Thank-you Margaret! I’m so happy you thought it was helpful. Just a few things I’ve learned as I’ve researched anxiety. Yes now that I think about it, anxiety and stress can be fairly similar.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I didn’t mean it to only include stress either :) The suggestions you made Rachel would be a great addition to any ones day, whether they have anxiety, stress, or are completely free of any of that but just want to be peaceful :) I pray what I am intending this to mean reads though hahaha :):)

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oh yes I understand. No worries :-) I just didn’t see at first that they could be used as stress relievers in addition to anxiety busters. Most of these things I didn’t start to do till I was already dealing with anxiety I think that’s why I didn’t see it at first.

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  6. Margaret thank you for sharing this honest wrestling match, I was taking deep breaths with you. Isn’t great we have a dad who never abandons us? Now if only he could make the fear go away. Sounds like you know exactly what was going on. I’m in a similar boat, back in therapy to face a dead and distant past and truly irritated to discover this thing still has any power. People have said ‘the worst is over it’s all in the past’ but like your racing heart our bodies tell a different story. Grrr. I’ve found a ton of healing in writing and faith, since you’ve got those same tools I’m rooting for us! I think our normal is just over this bridge :) Let’s take a lot of prayer breaks! Haha.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You said it perfectly, I’m needing more prayer breaks, and little less writing. The writing it down, proof reading it. The over, and over of it is taking away from the important work, which is spending time with the Almighty. Because the closer I am, and I know when I am close to Him, they are just a memory. Even when I have one, it’s manageable. Sorry for the trigger, I almost put a psa for people who know it triggers them. Warning: contains descriptions of panic and anxiety. :):) I always appreciate your love and support. Praying for all you are going through, and I won’t say the worst is over, it’s in the past, BUT it doesn’t have any power. It’s like a broken ankle/knee/wrist. It heals but if you over excert that ankle/knee/wrist it will act up. Doesn’t mean it is broken again, just needs some tlc :) You are God’s beloved child and nothing has power over that :):) therefore we will get there.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. No worries, I wasn’t triggered, just overcome with compassion and understanding. Keep trusting and spending time with Him. I’m praying for you too and believing we will get there. He makes all things new and we can do all things through Him, including heal. Lots of TLC being sent your way. There is so much strength in your faith and your honesty. 🙏🏼

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      2. Yes, yes, yes, we will get there as long as we keep praying for each other. God makes it so simple for us. There’s nothing each of us can do for the other, realistically, except prayer, right? Which God and Jesus repeat over, and over, pray for and love each other :) That we can do, right? We don’t even have to move hahaha God loves us :)

        Liked by 1 person

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