This Morning…

Elsie woke up crying. She looks over at the clock but can’t see the time though the blur of tears welled up in her eyes, streams of them running down her face, dripping into her hair, and onto her pajamas. Wiping her eyes, trying to see the time. Tears uncontrollable.

There’s no stopping them. She knows this, so she doesn’t even try. This happens every…single… day. Her thoughts flooding in…

Morning again. Another day. I hate this! Already crying, already feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack.

What is wrong with me? Nobody wakes up crying!! Nobody wakes up feeling like this!

Why can’t I be normal?!?

Trying to breath, head too clogged up from sobbing. Pull it together! SUCK IT UP!  Every one feels this way, just deal with it! I hate this! I don’t want to do this anymore.

Her heart feels like it’s going to explode it’s beating so fast. Please let it explode, PLEASE.

Why did I wake up? Lord, couldn’t you have taken me? Please take me. People die every day, why couldn’t I be one of them? I don’t want to be here.

I don’t want to be here…I don’t want to be here…I don’t want to be here.

Her heart still beating so rapidly that she can feel it throbbing through her whole body, beating like a drum.

It’s 3:30 a.m. It’s only been 10 minutes since she woke up.

Elsie is still crying.

That won’t last for much longer. Everyone will be getting up soon. She will have, at least, another 12 hours to hide all this, to suck it up, pretend to be happy. To make those hasty exits to the bathroom when she can’t hold back the tears any longer…..